Life as I See It

New home of Courter Photography!!

2012-01-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start posting some pictures up here. Just a hobby of mine that I would like to share. Let me know if you would any of them.

No One Likes Kansas

2011-02-28T19:44:00.000-08:00

I did the sign language for hello, you just couldn't tell. I promise.

I know I know I know, I haven't written in about a month. Mind you it was the shortest month of the year so it almost doesn't even count as a that long. Well where to begin.

I guess we will start with Denver. I made the drive from Columbus Ohio to Denver Colorado. I intended on making it a two day trip, but because the blizzard of the century was barreling down on Ohio, I decided it was best to try and run through it, than wait and drive in the nasty aftermath. So I left on a wednesday afternoon, for a saturday interview. That night I drove until I got to effingham IL, "the crossroads of opportunity." That night was the first of many on that trip in my truck cab. Luckily for me I have an amazing -20F sleeping bag for just the occasion. And after a few hours of finding the right way to get comfy, I didn't... but I fell asleep anyway.

That next day was driving non-stop. I started the morning, in -15F degree weather.... without wind chill. With the wind it was only -25F. The worst part about it was that by the end of the night I was not even in Colorado. I was still in Kansas. Now, for those of you who have never driven through Kansas, God bless you, because it's terrible. First off, there is quite literally nothing out there. Their are three main cities, all of which are about the size of a football field, even their capital. It's so bad they put Kansas City, in Missouri. That's just mean.

There was nothing out there folks. At hours at a time I was the only person in view, and I could see far because it was flat and their was nothing out there. It actually was very sobering. I had cabin fever for a lot of that road tripping because I was the only one in the car, and to think that if something happened, their was no one to see it to help, and no one to hear me if I yelled, or had to walk. Now I had my cell phone, but it's still a scary thought. I don't know how people live out their in a house isolated from everything, and your nearest neighbor is 10 miles away. It's just so lonely. Zero community. One perk of that though is that night the sky was something I have never seen before. It was unreal, and I couldn't have thought of anything as beautiful and crazy. Just stars everywhere. not a light on the earth to hide them. Beautiful.

Anyway, I woke up determined to get out of that forsaken state (not to mention their are two radio stations that you pick up, NPR and country. I chose the former, for my own sanity. I ended up being very close to the boarder and was in Denver by 9 am that morning. Let me tell you. The greatest thing you have ever seen after about 12 hours of Kansas flatlands, is the Rocky mountains on the horizon. Like manna from the sky.

Denver was great, the interview went well (i'll just give you the spoiler now, I didn't make it with them), and I walked around the city all friday. It's a great city and has a great vibe to it. And how can you complain with the mountains as the backdrop to EVERYTHING. Sadly my camera battery didn't make it through the first car ride so my four pictures that I will show you are really bad and taken from the driver side, from the inside of the car. Luckily I was smart and drive back only took two days. thank Jesus.

This is what it looked like when i first headed out. Pretty nuts driving through that. It was a two lane road too. pretty nuts.

Yep folks. This is Kansas, in all it's glory. One the way home, I counted 20 tumbleweeds rolling across the road. That was my entertainment in Kansas.... counting tumbleweeds.

This is the one thing to see in Kansas. They have fields and fields of windmills. I suspect that they power the whole state, which can't be too terribly hard. But I must give them prop's for their green efforts. This landmark lets you know that you are actually only halfway through this state.

The sunsets are amazing when their is nothing on the horizon to block it's full glory. Crazy crazy colors. But don't be fooled. Kansas is still terrible.

Lastly it's the sunset as I drive away from Kansas, good riddance.

I'm sorry the pictures aren't wallpaper, backdrop material, if I had an SLR and some more time in Denver I would have provided.

Currently i'm looking for a job. Though I have some work to hold me over until I find a real full time job that I would like, the jobs that have come my way thus far are few and far between and have been real work to get them and are a blessing. I didn't have a job for about 2 months and blew lots of money getting out to Denver, it was very challenging to feel so useless. Nevertheless, I have one now and it keeps me busy.

I hope to be going on more trips to go climbing in Kentucky (the Red River Gorge, one of the nicest places to climb in the Eastern United States). I'll have pictures of that whenever I go and will write about how great it is to climb in the great outdoors.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Ready or Not

2011-01-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

Hej,

Denver here I come!!

It's pretty exciting. I leave for Denver on thursday for my interview for a job on saturday. I'll be taking my truck and hitting the road on my 20 hour, two day road trip. I'll bring my amazing -20F sleeping bag and sleep in my car. It will be great. I'm excited to head out west even if for a day. The drive should be on the border between boring and exciting. I think it will be cool to see open road and mountains on the horizon and open fields and whatnot. Should be really fun. I'll have my ipod, some cliff bars, apples, bananas, and nalgene of water. It will be a party. I'll try and find a camera to bring a take pictures of what I see and i'm guessing 90% of them will be of me sitting in a car. I'm sure that sounds just as exciting for you as it is for me. I'll try and get back to you next week for the update on everything. Meanwhile, stay classy.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

High Expectations, Big Dreams

2011-01-18T14:18:00.000-08:00

përshëndetje,

I want this year to be a grand adventure. I feel in the past the years have always been premeditated and planned out already. Finish the semester, do summer day camp, start school again. Along the way we would say things like, I want to know God better, spend every day with him. Show people his love. That's all great and whatnot but who remembers saying those things in February, or let alone when that guy cuts you off in traffic. I want to do great things, some of them are those small daily challenges, like praying for 15 minutes a morning and spending time in the Bible, which for once won't be a textbook for a class. But I want to make of list of things to do. I want to challenge other people to do the same. I know some are in school and the other person that reads this blog has a job, and so the settings are similar, routine, and maybe sadly, mundane. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can be a weekend warrior. Find local adventures and things to do that will change the way you and I live. Here's my list.

In 2011 I want to:

Climb a 14,000 ft mountain.

Move out west, so the mountains are my backyard.

Start climbing more, and doing yoga and slacklining once it gets above freezing.

Meet new and great people doing the above activities.

Have a diet of most plants and vegetables.

Plant a garden.

Mentor someone.

Ween myself from unwanted and unneeded electronics.

Live a more simple life.

Give more than I receive.

I was reading a blog I really admire and love, the cleanest line, which is Patagonia's blog. It is written sometimes by employee's, sometimes Patagonia ambassador's such as climbers, mountaineer's, or skiers, and also people who love and want to save the environment. As I am unemployed at the moment, I find myself with more time on my hands than I can handle, so I read a lot of their past articles. One I fell in love with was done by a climber that they sponsor, by the name of Sonnie Trotter, a man that I would be very good friends with if we were to ever meet I think. He doesn't seem like he desired climbing to be his life. He loves many other things, and climbing does not consume him like it does many of their other ambassador's. He is a simple man, who loves climbing a lot, does yoga, loves his wife, loves organic food, and giving back. Here is a part of his post that I really connected with:

Everything is changing at a rate I can’t seem to maintain, and don’t even want to. One of my main objectives in life is to keep it as simple as I possibly can. Of course, this is an everyday challenge for all of us. Do we really need an iPod? A cell phone? A computer? A flat-screen TV? We make these decisions all the time, no matter how big or how small, we try to keep going with the social pressures of the world but deep down I think we’d rather back off completely. Most of these plastic gadgets just end up using more electricity, and then we cry and complain when they want to build a hydro project on our favorite river. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you can’t have your cake and eat it too? Our demand for useless gadgetry is multiplying every year, therefore we need more power, and power comes at an expensive price. My day on the farm was a very quick reminder of how far we’ve stepped away from the rich simplicity of the earth. I know I can do better.

I think he makes a very good point. We love the newest things, coolest gadgets and we use them to make us feel good and make our lives more "convenient", and yet, some of us get upset when we see a new damn is going to be built in Chile, or Alaska, and we complain. We don't want nature there to be touched and tainted by "progress", yet we tell our friends as we download Texas hold'em app on our ipad's.

I know i'm not perfect. I know I still love to watch my house and lie to me on monday's, and heck, i'm writing this blog on my laptop computer, which sits on my desk plug in at all times. And don't even get me started about it come fall when college football starts up (yeah i'm already awaiting next season). I have way's to go, and I know them. It won't be easy for me either, I really love house. But I would really love to simply life together, as a community of people who want something else out of life. Something more community and environmentally driven. To live simply so others can simply live.

I know I promised more to come on my thoughts of being a fat climber, I promise I will get to it eventually, promise.

My 2 cents:

Big Black Car by Gregory Alan Isakov. I'm not to sure about his other stuff sadly, but I can't get enough of this song.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

oh yeah, forgot

2011-01-13T10:28:00.001-08:00

haha,

so I forgot to say that by grad student I mean I've graduated from being a student. ha, not the whole masters thing. kinda important info I guess. since i'm making up the term and all. Sorry about that.

Reflections of a grad student

2011-01-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

Բարեւ Ձեզ, (yeah that's real)

First off, before I start on this new post, I want to talk about how awesome that hello is (in case you didn't catch on the whole, "woah, he is saying hello in different languages because he is a cross-cultural studies major!"). It's armenian, not the kind that you talk about with Dr. Vang (though he probably speaks this language), but it's sweet because there is most definatly a number in there, yeah, pretty awesome.

Anyway, I know and I'm sorry that I haven't written for a while (I suspect i'm apologizing to 2 people but it's polite). I was busy with school and busy GRADUATING and Christmas and getting readjusted and settled in at home (or "living the dream", apparently is what people are calling it these days, which makes me thing they never did it.) Lots has been on my mind, so bare with my multi-topic post.

First off, i'm applying for real person jobs, which is really weird. For like 18 years I have been on a set path, everything paved out for you and handed to you, elementary school, to middle, up to high school, then to big boy college.... now what? Nothing is laid out. Unlike school, no one is calling to have me come to their place (okay it only happened with like PBA, Asbury and a community college, but I would still take 3 places asking for me to be an employee). I am unemployed, and searching for a job that can pay decent money so I can be a real adult. With that in mind, I have applied to a job in Oregon with a environment group and Teach for America in Denver, yep, heading out west. Meanwhile, to hold me over until I make the big move, I applied to a job here at a hospital and at a nice restaurant (putting my degree to work, let me tell you). It's weird because it's so real. I get a job out there and I'm there. My own place, my own real job, in the mountains, paying bills, all that jazz. The road is not paved and i'm there with a shovel creating my own and it's new, exciting, surreal, nerve racking, and yet, really really enjoyable.

In other news, I'm back to climbing, in fact, even without a job, I managed to get a six month membership to a climbing gym, for $30 a month, which let me tell you is a steal. The bad news is my climbing is horrendous. I climbed a lot during the summer, and even more in the fall. Then life got crazy with school and experiments and I never got around to it. Then thanksgiving happened and Christmas. Now two months later I try and climb and it was if I had never climbed a day in my life, it was awkward and the routes I once conquered with ease seemed impossible to hold onto and do. I was a little baffled, so I merely blamed it on my two month sabbatical. I went home and decided that to make sure that I was right I would jump on a scale. Bad idea. I officially weighted in at the most I ever had at a flabby 185lbs. Not only had a not climbed for two months but it was as if I was wearing a 15 lb weight; no wonder I couldn't hold on to anything. I have decided to eat veggies, fruits, and whole grains and do some hard core exercise to whip myself back into shape (the veggies kick was due to a recent conviction from a documentary I watched: Food inc. (which I recommend to all, it's not against meats at all, it's just about eating real food) and a book i'm reading connected to the movie, "In defense of food" by Michael Pollan).

It kinda struck a weird cord with me, having worked so hard for months to do what I could and to have it all taken away in such a seemly short time. It was humbling to say the least. To be honest I really didn't have a choice, be humbled or quit. I know it is only slight, and I will say this again in 5 years with even more awe and revelation, but my body isn't what it used to be. Now I know i'm only 22 (and a half) and I am still very young, shoot, there are some fighters in the UFC who are in their 40's and look better than I ever have, so this isn't the final straw of my health or anything, but it's amazing just to take a step back (forced step or not) and see how I used to be able to eat so many terrible things and be fine. Life doesn't really allow for me to play lacrosse every day or football or whatever I used to do (though my unemployment says I have all the time in the world). I am excited to think that I still have plenty of youth left, and to be honest i think I will even when i'm in my 40's, but I'm sad to see the differences and realize i'm not invincible. Probably more on this to come later.

Oh yeah, I got facebook again. I barely use it, which i'm happy for. I think it's more stupid now then ever, but it's the only way Dr. Lane will talk to me cause he is so cool and hip like the kids.

My 2 cents:

watch Food Inc., education is good for you and it's just an encouraging movie. It won't make you reject meat, like me, it has been a desire for me for a while, but it is just good to know what you are putting into your body, it's great stuff, don't be afraid of it. Ignorance isn't as blissful as people say.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Why We Hide

2010-12-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

Ciao,

(ps, if some of this doesn't make sense, it's because I wrote it at 2 am. my apologies)

I don't know. This might seem weird to some of you that read this. Over the past 7 months I have been studying Micro-expressions. These are expressions on the face that cannot be controlled, only concealed slightly if you try hard. The more emotional or unstable the person is, the more likely these will leak when they are trying to be concealed. Their are seven universal emotions that people show: anger, happiness, sadness, contempt, surprise, fear, and disgust. When someone says one thing and the micro expression shows another, that person is trying to deceive you, or is lying to you about how they feel. There are three main area's to look at when you are looking for these expressions: the area of the eyes (eyelids, the outside part of the eyes, and eyebrows), the nose, and the mouth.

Why am I telling you this? Well not only have I been studying it on my own for a few months, but I have been studying them academically and very in depth for about 4 months now. I have been doing experiments on PBA students through the school for a psychology class, and have even won a grant from the school to present my findings at the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in Washington D.C. in May. It truly is an honor, privliage and blessing for that to happen to me. I feel like it has been a rather simple and enjoyable process, (though very time consuming) because I enjoy it, so it does not seem that my work would render such a reward, because it did not seem like much work.

Again, why am I telling you this. Well I wanted to give you a lesson. If you are not up to date with the college football world. Cam Newton is all the rage. He is a one of a kind athlete and has done great things on the football field for Auburn this year. Meanwhile, his father has been attracting lots of attention off the field. Cecil Newton, apparently, was involved with a pay-to-play scandal with a recruiting agency to have his son play for another university for cash up front. This is highly illegal and if it was ever brought to light that Cam Newton knew about this and played any part, he would be ineligible to win the heisman trophy, which at this point, he is almost assuredly going to do. His father, knowing the controversy around this, has decided to not go to the heisman ceremony this saturday to support his son, thinking it would cause to much drama. He will not attend the ceremony of his son winning what may be the most coveted college sports trophy. During an interview for ESPN, he is asked how he feels about this, and his face during the last 20 seconds screams sadness. But their is an interesting moment at 2:27 where he says he is his father and he will stand by his decision, and he flashes disgust in his nose and mouth. So check it out for yourself. 2:27

The important thing about micro-expressions is that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Yes, he could be disgusted with his father, or he could be disgusted at what his father did, or both. We only know that he was disgusted, and we have a context of what it could be, but we can't know for sure (without further questioning).

I bring this up because I find it interesting what people hide, and what may be more interesting is why this hide, behind a fake smile or joke or whatever it may be. I originally Dr. Paul Ekman's book to discover lies. In his book "Emotions Revealed", he discusses the seven emotions, and has about 20 pages on lying. The book is about seeing these in others, and more importantly, seeing them in yourself. It is about understanding emotions and where they come from and what they mean. The book is fascinating, especially someone like myself who doesn't consider himself to be very expressive outwardly.

Since that book I often see these micro-expressions in others, in the news, walking down the street, talking to friends, and often find I am doing something to my face, only to find that I was feeling an emotion I wasn't aware of. This could be because I couldn't put my finger on the name of it, or that I simply wasn't aware (some emotions, like anger, have a way of creeping up on us and even escalating quickly without us even knowing until someone mentions we are upset.)

As I see them I am fascinated why we cover up. Why we don't want the world to see our pain, our sadness, our anger or our disgust. I felt ashamed when I realized I answered a question in a Psychology class that no one else knew and noticed that my face was showing contempt, that I did not realize until I noticed it on my face. I felt ashamed that I felt better than people, or above them for answering a question. I think people think it makes us more enjoyable to be around, if we act as it's okay. Or maybe it's a name-it-and-claim-it kind of attitude. If I simply say or act I feel this way, it will go away.

I wrote a paper in high school, I was a junior at the time; yet, I remember the paper very distinctively. To this day I consider it to be my best and most profound paper. We had just studied some major psychologist and we were told to come up with our own theory on what makes people run, what were they after in life. My answer: people desperately want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. I think we so badly want people to fully know us and understand us, yet we think that if they know to much, and see to much of the crap and filth and muck and sin if you want to call it that, then they will run away, and not accept us. This, in return, would be one of the most painful experiences we could experience, to be made completely vulnerable, and then rejected. So we put a facade, a mask, where we can let bits out, but stay in control of certain things, certain feelings, and certain experiences that might keep people away. We conceal them and seem normal so that they will stay around. We want that closeness but fear it's consequences if rejected. Some people have been bold enough to be vulnerable and have maybe even, sadly, learned through experience that others will not accept that part of them. I understand this dilemma to be the classic situation in which a guy likes a girl, with whom he is great friends with, but does not know if she likes him back (which is why we talk to the best friend to give us the scoop and down low before doing anything, so we can know the result). They are stuck in this situation where they could not say something, and wonder what if, and not risk losing what they have, or put themselves out there and have a chance of being accepted and the feeling reciprocated. Or they could reject it, and the friendship would then change, losing almost everything. I find that this example, though expressing the dilemma, does not express the magnitude. I'm not just talking about feelings. I'm talking about secrets, issues, problems, stories. Things we try to forget.

We want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. This is God's relationship with us, and it's the reason I find my relationship with God so incredibly special and important to me. But it's my theory as to why we hide, and why we lie, and why we take chances to be known. I think there is a lesson to be learned here but I don't want to sound like that was the point of this. We need to love, we need to know what love means first, and the sacrifices, risks, and vulnerably it demands of us. We need to open up to each other, experience what it is like to be loved and to demonstrate that to others back. I truly believe this love would change the world. It changes the lives of those who have found it in Jesus, so why wouldn't it if we could replicate that to others? To those whose experiences have said otherwise, and those who don't just hide behind lies and smiles, but drugs, alcohols, girls, boys, popularity, humor, sports, money, self-image, or sarcasm. You cannot experience this type of love and not change. You cannot experience this type of love and not then seek out to share it with others.

I know this was a super long little tidbit, and it was kinda super serious and deep. But it has been churning in my heart for awhile now, maybe even years. I just thought I would share it, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

The End is Near

2010-12-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

你好

The end is near folks. It's a great and glorious thing. I feel so excited I could hold a cardboard sign that say's so and stand on a corner. People probably wouldn't get it though.

I'm graduating. Literally in 17 days, which is 7 days of school and a few finals. It's hard to think that I will go on Christmas break and not come back. I have been going back to school for my whole life. It will be weird to not do that, but I'm excited nonetheless. I'm excited to not take out loans, i'm excited to not have midterms, finals or any sort of exams. I'm excited to see winter again. The more school puts pressure on me now and slams on the assignments now, the more I simply smile at the fact that i'm graduating and that it will be over. The fact that this has been my craziest year of academics ever has only made graduation that much sweeter.

To be completely honest, this blog won't have any deep thoughts or insightful ideas, it's just me saying that I'm alive and proclaiming my joyous news to the internet.

Sadly this is all I really have to say, but look for more posts in a week or so, when I have time to sit down and write one. Okay? good talk.

My 2 cents:

You should be listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album currently. I am, and if you're not it is a literal crime so get to it: you have been warned.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Running Waters

2010-10-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

γειά σου,

So I feel like it's been a really long time since I have written last. I feel that, which is kind of cool that I find this therapeutic and desirable. It has been a while because I have been up to my eyes in schoolwork. I have two papers, totaling about 15 pages due on Thursday in the same class. Yeah. It sucks. But I'm writing this to leave that behind, if not for a second. So I don't want to talk about it. I'm done.

What I really want to talk about is how awesome my weekend was. I went to Orlando and saw lots of my friends from Columbus because one of them was getting married there. It was so great to see everyone and to spend time with people from home, who are laid back, friendly, and love each other. Words really can't describe how great it was to be with them, especially since my life is upside down with school currently. With all that being said, congratulations Chris and Amanda Rule!

One thing that really stuck with me when I was going to Orlando was the thrill of moving. It sounds weird, but I have really been in West Palm for at least 1.5 years, with maybe a month of Columbus shoved in there. I have felt stagnate and stale. It was so good to get in a car and to drive. I travel, to explore. I had directions with me to get their, but honestly I didn't look at them because I didn't care if I got lost. I was actually for it. I was good to be on the road; it made me feel like I was doing something, living, experiencing something. I don't know, maybe this all sounds a little crazy, I mean it was just a 3 hour car ride. But to me, it was hitting the open road. Great weather, my iPod playing great songs I had a gatorade and some bananas' (which became my dinner). It was great.

Often in the Bible moving waters, running waters, and water in general, is a symbol for chaos. For instance, in Genesis, the waters hovered above the earth, chaos was held back. For Noah, the water brought chaos. You see this used the most with the psalmist. Ps. 23, you lead me besides quiet waters (no chaos), ps. 29:3, The voice of the LORD is over the waters (over chaos); the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the might waters. When it talks about quiet waters, it is talking about peace, tranquility, usually inspired by God.

I understand this. My life has been raging waters, splashing in my face left and right. Right when I start to focus on something the waters get rough and life becomes unpredictable and chaotic. I have a hard time staying afloat.

Driving in the car calmed the waters. I enjoyed the adventure, I enjoyed the calmness that was in me. Everyone likes life when it flows and seems effortless. I even prefer some rapids every now and then to keep things interesting. But after a few months of rapids (aka school craziness), it was nice to just drift down stream for a while.

My 2 cents:

song:

The Great Estate by Freelance Whales (great song, kinda built around reincarnation but good)

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Empathy

2010-10-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Hey,

Last night was kinda crazy for me. I learned that a friend of mine from high school has cancer. Not only is that crazy but the fact that he is younger than me, just makes me sit back and shake my head in disbelief.

I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but earlier this year I found out that a friend from here also had cancer. He had brain cancer, a tumor the size of a golf ball pushing against his pituitary gland, most likely causing his recent onset of diabetes, sweaty hands and clubbed fingers. A few months ago he had a very risky (what brain surgery isn't) two part surgery to get rid of the tumor. By the grace of God it went very well. He has been doing great and the second part of his surgery comes up in about a week, which is both nerve racking and also exciting that after this surgery he should be tumor free!

It still strikes me as bizarre though that these things happen. As cliché as it is, it's like how you never expect those things to happen to you. The same I think goes for people you know. It happens to people on t.v. or in the newspaper or someplace, somewhere, far, far away.

While thinking about this I am confronted with my sinful nature. By this I mean that in the past month, a person I know from school started selling shirts that say "Cancer Sucks" and the profits are going to a friend of his, who is also battling cancer. To be honest, for the most part, I see them selling those shirts and I walk by and think "well that's nice" and move on. Almost as if I have amnesia and I forget that I have a friend who just had a tumor removed from his head.

When I heard the news last night, I wanted to do something, and it made me sad to think that I wasn't motivated to help their cause because I didn't have the empathy in my heart.

In systematic Theology, we learned one day about the consequences of sin. They try and boil down the consequences of sin to four categories: 1.Depravity 2. Enslavement 3. Condemnation and finally 4. Alienation. I think the most damage is done in the latter. For instance, my heart was/is concerned about me, and if we want to be gracious it's concerned about the people I know. I alienated it to not feel for people selling caner sucks tee shirts on the green on campus. I don't know the person, and I don't have cancer, why should I get involved? Why should I give?

It breaks my heart that I don't heart for others sometimes. "break my heart for what breaks yours" is a great line from a song that says exactly what I want to change in my life. It's not that I have no empathy, because I feel for the homeless and poor, and people in war and war torn area's. But for some reason, this seemed distant.

My prayer is not that I/we would give money and buy a shirt, because I don't think that's the point and I think it's short sighted (though not bad, don't get me wrong), but that I/we would give our hearts to those in pain, and to see someone and to feel with them, not for them, but with them. The best remedy for this is prayer. Stand in their shoes before God and pray on their behalf. That's the real solution. Pray that God would give us, them, and others perspective. Pray that they we/they would be loved and comforted and that we could be the instrument that brings that.

My 2 cents:

How Deep the Father's Love for Us:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Something clever

2010-10-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

привет,

So, I was thinking about what to name this post, and I couldn't come up with anything funny and clever or witty that would grab my 2 readers attention. For some reason all I could think of was Admiral Ackbar famous line. If you don't know who or what that is, it's because you're not a dork like me. Or quiet possibly you are just like my roommates and are jealous of my ability to recall some of the greatest movies of the movies of the 90's. Anyway, to some extent I also feel bad for my 2 readers because I think very slowly. I tend to sit on things and process them and that usually takes months. What that means for you is that you have to read about the same issues for about a month at a time and that can be kinda boring since I usually flesh things out and don't write anything too crazy or life changing. Not to mention i'm not very good with words and explaining things so usually I just end up sounding like an idiot.

Anyway, back to Admiral Ackbar.

I feel trapped. I want to graduate and explore and travel and roam and climb mountains and see friends overseas and family and do what I consider to being "living". Yet the world wants me to get a job, get serious about bills and making ends meet and money, and maybe if you're lucky settling down with a girl. This is the case with most Universities and PBA is not an exception. I know at least 10 couples off the top of my head that are married and between the age of 19 and 22. I know 4 that have gotten married in the past 6 months. I know many have plans for right after they graduate, whether it's working in and with a church or going into the business world; they are already set. They have it all planned out, graduate, get that job, get married to finance within 6 months of job. Life after that is on auto-pilot, do that job thing for a few years, get a raise, go to the Christmas party with the co-workers, everyone brings their wives of course. Maybe if you are lucky, show off some pictures of the kids (who are most likely honors students and you have a bumper sticker on your Honda odyssey to prove it.)

That's not what I want. I want to live and explore. As John Muir once wrote: "the mountains are calling and I must go". It's for this reason I want to be a paramedic working out of a hospital: rewarding job that isn't in an office and typical, I save lives and get down and dirty doing it sometimes, and I have days off at a time to do things that I love.

I would be totally fine with be a waiter or dish washer to make ends meet, while saving for my next trip. Living basically trip to trip. Climb to climb. Yet I'm bogged down with expectations of meeting this preset path, and being forced to worry about loans. I'm convinced that's not how life is supposed to be lived. To me that preset path isn't even considered living.

To be honest, the hardest part about this path is that it's lonely. Part of that is appealing to me. Being alone in the mountains and being able to stand in awe and wonder of creation, yet a part of that means living uncomfortably for 99.673% of the human population, which means I would be hard pressed to find company in my adventures. Part of that is settling down. I recently had a conversation with a friend about why we are single (I know, back to girls, what else is new). I came to the conclusion that I simply came to the wrong University to find girls with my interests and passions. This university attracts people who are worried about the beach bod, tan and looking cute. A cousin to the GTL way of living my friends from jersey live. But the other part of the conclusion is that not many people are up for that way of living, and most people who live like that find someone once they settle down and become domesticated and get a real job. The conversation came up because he said he wanted to do an experiment about why middle class men are so lame. I couldn't agree more.

All this to say: Admire Ackbar couldn't be closer to the truth. It's a trap. At least in my book. For most people I suppose finding Jesus in the way I want to live would be miserable and extremely difficult, and I would say the same about the preset path. I would have no idea how or where to find Jesus in their. I don't picture him wearing suits everyday. Though I don't see him camping alone either.

Thanks for trying to enjoy my thoughts and ramblings. Not all who wander are lost.

My 2 cents:

The Imitation of Christ book 2 chapter 11 (the first few sentences alone could challenge you every time you read them) by Thomas A Kempis

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Green Eyes

2010-10-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

Ahoj,

This song has just been on my mind lately, I love it dearly and think it's a fantastic song.

Green Eyes by Coldplay

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I came here to talk
I hope you understand
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you

And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind

Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you

Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you

Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh [x4]

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

30 Mile Walk

2010-09-27T14:15:00.001-07:00

Salut,

I have been picking up biking again lately. Not like Freddy Adams biking but more like normal people biking. I bike over to Palm Beach island and bike along the beach for about 6 miles till the island stops at the this dock that I like to jump off of. One the way back I like to stop at some random part of the beach and swim a little. It's nice because no one goes to the beach up there (mostly because it's all private beach stuff) and it's really relaxing, and really energizes me for the day.

As I was riding today I thought back to my freshman year when I walked 30 miles to church. If you don't know the story this next paragraph is for you, if you do, skip that paragraph and i'll meet you down there.

One of my friends Matt Von Herbulis, who is a brilliant man, and an avid adventurer and lover of life, decided that he wanted to walk from Orlando, where he is from, to West Palm Beach to school at the end of winter break. He wanted to do this because Matt has a heart of gold and loves homeless people and wants to relate to them and experience God in a way many Americans don't understand. Well, just like anything else, he needed practice. At the time, him and I were going to a church in Boca Raton, just about 30 miles south of West Palm. So him and I decided that he would practice by leaving for church Saturday night and get there Sunday afternoon, and we could practice our street skills along the way. We left around 8 p.m. and walked until about 10 and then tried to find a place to sleep. We ended up sleeping next to a coin laundry and barely slept that night, due to other homeless people walking around, police sirens and being next to a busy street. The next day it was a billion degrees, or so it felt in my corduroy pants (terrible idea by the way) but we made it to the church around 3 p.m. after getting up at 6 a.m., exhausted and sunburned.

And were back. Well, one of the lessons I learned on that trip, besides walking in corduroy will chaff like no ones business and is a bad choice all around in Florida, is that when you slow life down, you get to catch a lot of things that you can learn from. As we walked along Dixie Hwy we discovered little things along the way, whether they be restaurants, funny signs, or cool murals. We had somehow found out how to slow down life, and enjoy it where we were. It was a bizarre feeling driving home and before I could point out that that was the coin laundry where we slept all night, it was gone. People were looking over their shoulder and squinting trying to see it as we drove by at 40 mph.

I feel like that is how we treat life. I know I have said it before but I feel this pressure from people and society ever time they ask what I want to do after I graduate. It is almost as if they are pushing me into my career and trying to get me right into the grind of "normal American life" and want me to be focused on what I'm going to do and what I want to accomplish and what kind of job I want and how much money I want to make and where I see myself in five years and....... What I really want to tell them is to just take it easy, relax, it'll be just fine. I want to focus on where I am right now, not where I'm going or what I will do. It's that kind of thinking that made me discontent with where I was. I become discontent and wasn't thankful for what was around me.

The heart of discontentment is a lack of thankfulness. This was my lesson this summer and me slowing down life. Enjoying life in the moment and the little things has been that lesson in action. I have been discontent because I just want to go outside and climb mountains and boulder and hike in the woods and camp, but I can't. I can't even surf cause the waves suck. To enjoy life now I have just started doing the same active things outside here and being creative. Climbing really crappy walls with friends, biking on the beach and just sitting down and enjoying the beach and God's creation.

Slow down life and enjoy the moments you are living right now.

My 2 cents:

I have been loving the song "the great estate" by the freelance whales. It's about reincarnation but the music is incredible and the chorus is about as catchy as any katy perry song that we won't admit is stuck in our head.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Beastie Boys

2010-09-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

I want this blog to be enjoyable. I don't want all my blogs to be super deep and heavy. Part of life is laughing and enjoying stories (which is one of my favorite past times of friends from home, just simply sitting around talking about stupid, yet totally awesome, stuff we did when we were in High School).

Any, this blog is really about Girls, but I thought that if I made that the title you would just roll your eyes back (like we did to our parents when we were 8 and they were making us brush our teeth, or 22 and having our mom still tell us this) and say "oh gosh, another boy blogging about girls". I didn't want that to happen because it's completely true. And by writing this paragraph I simply delayed that reaction until you read the first sentence.

If it makes you feel any better and makes you any more likely to read this, this blog is really about my roommates.

My roommates lives pretty much revolve around women. Not in the bad way like they are always dating one, but in the pathetic way like they are desperately trying to find one to like them to date them. If any news comes by the apartment about a girl liking one of them it turns into a sort of awkward celebration. The one that cracks me up the most is named Johnny Bananas (yes I had to use the song Hollaback girl to spell bananas, but who doesn't!) His real name is John Baggerman (facebook stalk him please) and he got the name Johnny Bananas because during Jersey shore a commercial told us to text a name this a certain number and they would give us a guido name for him, so we did. I don't know what bananas had to with his name but he is now Johnny Bananas, or JBB ((John+Baggerman+Bananas) but seriously, facebook him, it would be hilarious, and yes I double parenthesized that).

He gets the ladies left and right (mostly because freshman girls love upperclassmen, just kidding.... but really). But the kid deserves the attention he gets. He is just an overall cool kid. He loves him some Jesus, plays guitar (who doesn't at a Christian college) and is a pretty fashion savoy kid. The one thing that sticks him with the ladies though is that they for some reason find his paralyzing fear of introducing himself to women and talking to them cute. No really, this fear is serious.

Yet he always has girls following him around, and they always seem to be the ones he really isn't interested in. One of the reasons he is my favorite around the ladies is whenever he says he is going anywhere. I always just ranting about how he is going out to meet with some lady and he gets redder than Lindsey Lohan at..... well I probably shouldn't go there. Anyway. He just gets beat red and it cracks me up that a guy who wants a girl and talks about girls so much can't stand the thought of talking to an attractive women without freaking out.

Well that's all I have to say about the infamous JBB. Please talk to him randomly on facebook, call him Johnny Bananas and compliment his sweet dance moves.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Burning Bridges

2010-09-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hola,

This blog isn't so much inspired by a current event as much as it is me reflecting on one of the more important lessons I have learned in college.

I recently was sitting in on a discussion about the mosque in NY and how that is raising so much controversy and whatnot. The discussion was rather dull until someone tried to attack Muslims in general. Accusing them of takeovers and all having bombs strapped to their chest.

This is the sort of stuff that breaks my heart.

(stay with me for this rant in the next two paragraphs)

I think it is so easy to point the finger and forget to look in the mirror. We understand our view as right, therefore when we are examining another view, whether that be another religion, politics, favorite food, etc, we refuse to examine our own views in beliefs because it is almost assumed in our minds that's its right. For instance, I believe that many people few Muslims as terrorist that are after and hate America. This is true with some Muslims, a small minority of them. I think when we take that statement and step back, we begin to see the real picture and what's really going on, and through that, we can come to respect and understand, and not fear, Muslims.

Terrorism makes news, so we are going to see lots of news about radical Islamic terrorist, and not many about the other 3 billion that aren't doing these things. These few Muslims kill anyone who disagrees, they have attacked other Muslims (during Ramadan no less, which could lead you to argue that they don't really follow Islam at all), not just Americans. I believe saying all Muslims are like that is the equivalent to all Christians being like the Klu Klux Klan. Of course this outrages us, as it should, because they represent such a small, non-biblical, voice in the Christian world.

I say all this just to say that we step on to many toes. When we step back and see people for who they are, we can love as Christ did. Instead of harping on the differences between Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, Calvinist, Lutheran, whatever it maybe. How about focus on the fact that we all want to follow Jesus. We both want to love others and pray to God that loves us?

This applies to everyday life: Someone gets angry at you and insults you. The normal response is to be angry back or to retaliate or hold a grudge. Yet if we can pull back and see times when we were justifiably or unjustifiably angry at someone. Say you have a friend whose boyfriend cheats on her. She has every right to be angry, yet if she can pull back and see when she cheated on him, (Jesus said that to look at another lustfully is the same as adultery, it's just not in the publics eye, but worse, in our heart) and to forgive. This is no easy task and I will be the first to admit that I fail many times at doing this. But that is the kingdom of Heaven, and whether we understand it or not, usually every sunday we pray that "your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven". We are called to live out God's kingdom on earth.

This is how we are different, how we stand out, how we become salt and light. We love like people have never seen. We do this because we have seen this love in our Maker and live to imitate this to people who haven't seen it. It is not easy but from my experiences, it is incredibly rewarding both in my heart and in the relationships that have been mended.

My 2 cents:

Three Cups of Tea, by Greg Mortenson (book)

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

I'm Back?

2010-09-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hey,

So I think i'm going to be blogging again. Getting my thoughts out there for friends to see and maybe because I find it cathartic. I am aware that I haven't posted anything in years and if this is your primary way of listening in to my life, you have a lot of catching up to do. I won't recap the past few years partially because I wouldn't know how or where to start but mostly because that would be ridiculous.

Where to start then....

Well, I graduate in December. This is something that I have been looking forward to for some time now. I have longed to do something with my life. It has, in all honesty, been a very painful 2 years simply because I can't sit still. I love the classes I have taken and I have learned alot about God and Biblical living and life and relationships and about myself, don't get me wrong. Yet it kills me to sit in a classroom. I feel as if I am wasting life away. I would rather be on an adventure, living out of a backpack, traveling, experiencing new things, speaking to new people in foreign languages, climbing, mountaineering, helping people. I feel as if college has been 4 years to learn about stuff that hasn't really put you in a direction. As if it were preparing you nothing. As seniors in college my friends and I are constantly asked what we are going to do after we graduate, to which we all reply "I have no idea". Shouldn't college have directed us somewhere? I'm sure it has for a lot of people, but for people who don't know what they want to do, and the goal isn't to make money but to live a fulfilling and happy life, college is the definition to purgatory.

Yet, as I said earlier, college has not been a waste. I have met great people and experienced some really awesome things in my life and learned countless lessons on community and life with people. I have learned so much about the God of the Bible, a God who isn't Greek and emotionless, but a God who is relational, constantly with his creation, and deeply in love with idiots. I have studied the world, anthropology, Islam, the Qur'an, Ethnography and how to love other cultures. I have grown in my fascination with the world and the people in it (only spurring my passion to explore it). I have learned about the difficulties of bringing our faith to some cultures, bringing medicine to some cultures, and separating what is American and what is Jesus.

These lessons have caused me to love nature, and love the world around me. It has guided me to my current passions of climbing, slacklining, mountains, languages, and the middle-east. I love these things because the end result is relational. I could love business, and the end result be money, success, fame, power, or pride. Yet mountaineers and climbers are, as Lionel Terray calls them "Conquistadors of the useless". The end result is useless, you gain nothing material from it. The reward comes from learning about creation, about yourself, and experiencing great things with others. Although it can be done, climbing should not be done alone. To be done safely, you need other people, or at least one other: Community.

When I write I try and convey some sort of lesson or something that I have learned to anyone who would read it. I don't think I did with this one and I apologize for that. This blog is an intro back into writing and exposing my life, and so I decided to simply flesh out my thoughts on where I'm at right now.

I plan on leaving you with something to invest in after each blog. Whether that be a book, song, or movie, I will try and expose you to some of the things that have changed me in some way.

My 2 cents:

Movie: 180 degrees south

(you can find and get this movie via netflixs if you have it)

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Reflections

2008-06-14T13:29:00.001-07:00

Well last night I was talking to the beautiful and amazing Mark and Ali, who are back for my birthday (or I would like to think so ; ) ) But as I was summing up the year for them I kind of saw things from a new perspective for the first time.

My year was so stinking crazy. I really wanted my year to be like what I had heard about Chris Rule's years in college; and if you don't know Chris Rule, your missing out, he's a great guy and really has a heart for Jesus. Anyway, I would always get updates about the people going to his Bible Study for the guys in his dorm and how people were coming to Christ. That kind of was my model for my first year of college, and if that was the standard, I failed miserably.

God really exposed the false beliefs in my faith, and really showed me the things I believed in that were "hammy-downs" if you will, just things i took as true that weren't. Through that God really gave me opportunity's to share life and doubt and in the mist of that , faith, to people who had the label but didn't care for the Christian lifestyle of surrender and love. I realized at the end of the year that my audience my freshmen year wasn't the people who were atheist or people who hated God, but people who were lukewarm, and just hadn't experienced how amazing Jesus can be, and how a life with Him is worth it.

Looking back I saw people who God blessed me so much with living life with, and being able to encourage and challenge together. God was good through all things, my really stupid mess ups and sins, and was their when I needed Him feeling lonely and lost yelling at Him in my bed. He let me see that pulling someone from lukewarmness into joy with Christ is just as a miracle and enjoyable as pulling someone from no belief in God at all.

I think last night, for the first time in a while, my soul took a deep sigh of relief, and rested at peace at what was happening in life and how God is faithful; always. We always seem to neglect his tract record for always being their when were are facing a situation and doubting him. I know it seems hard, and like He can't pull through and show us peace, but He can, and I promise He will. I hope that encourages you.

drew

Andrew Music Exchange:

This week is kind of an oldie, and though I really don't like this band that much, i am in love with this song and it hits me over and over again every time I listen to it.

Snow Patrol-- Open Your Eyes

"To much television!"

2008-06-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

That was something my mom used to say when i was a kid. I was never one of those kids who just went outside and played in dirt until high school came along. My dirt phase actually started when i was in high school. But nevertheless my past month has been chalk full of t.v. Part of this is because during the day i have nothing better to do.... well that's a lie, i do but i choose instead to indulge myself in my new favorite t.v. show SCRUBS!

I love that show, let me just tell you. I think their are so many funny parts in it and i love all the characters and how they have developed them but most importantly they have some really thought provoking and ethical scenarios that happen at the end. They always make me think and really question my own life.

Some of the stuff i really have been thinking about lately is comfort and my mark. Still sitting on 2 Corinthians 1 which talks about God's comfort and how in our struggle God comforts us and how we in turn comfort others. This is a commandment, just as much as "love your neighbor". It may not be implied in that verse as a command, "who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (vs.4) But it's is defiantly a part of love your neighbor or love your enemy. But what I have been thinking about is have i done that. Because at the heart of what I want and desire out of life is to help others. If i do nothing other than be a light to those around me, and if people know that Drew is their to talk to, to help, to comfort and encourage, then i feel complete. That is the minimum of what I want to be for people and if I can't, then I really think something is horribly wrong. So that's what I want to be, if you need anything, I want to be that guy to be their and help.

Andrew Music Exchange:

This weeks musician for the week is Ray Lamontagne. He is very folksy and has an amazing voice. My favorite songs are "Three More Days" and "Trouble", but all on his myspace are excellent. I would highly recommend his newest CD, "Till the Sun Turns Black", it is a newer look on music for him but has some great songs.

Bad Latte

2008-05-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

One of the things that have been thinking about for a while now has been being lukewarm. Not that I truly fear this, because I know my heart desires God and my life is for Him; nevertheless, I constantly think about what that means. I mean this is a serious question because God cannot stand those who are lukewarm. In Revelations it talks about how he actually spits those who are lukewarm out of His mouth "like a latte that isn't iced or hot, just lukewarm", as Francis Chan puts it. What it truly looks like to be complacent. I mean, if Christ is all that is not lukewarm, how would that translate into today? I don't think Jesus would spend much time watching t.v. or on the computer or facebook. Would He have a job? Would it be in ministry? Martin Luther talks about how a shoemaker is just as religious as the priest. If he wholeheartedly makes those shoes with the all his God given skills, he is doing just as a holy job as the priest.

Maybe I'm ignorant, but I really think their is a flaw in that thinking. I don't think if someone is good at making shirts, he should lock himself in the mountains and make shirts. Life is more than shirts and shoes. As of now, I am not convinced that we can make a shoe for someone, let them take it back, and really please God. I'm sure God delights in our hard work for Him, but if there is anything I have learned this year and summer, is that God is extremely communal. The Bible was not meant to be read and kept to yourself. We are commanded to love our neighbor, love our enemies, pray together, praise togther, and break bread together. Most of the Bible was written for Groups of people, not indiviuals.

I've really been chewing on 2 Corinthians 1 for a while now. I must have read it over a month ago, and I can't keep my mind off of it. It talks about Pauls sufferings and how we share in Christ's suffering and are comforted in our pain through that, and that we are supposed to share our sufferings in order that we may pass that comfort on to someone else who is going through trial. Paul is so raw and real here in the beginning of the letter. The Bible is about living for God together, we are a body aren't we?

Anyway, back to my point: i really, honestly, believe America put us into this indiviual Jesus, true for me, not for you, all ways lead to heaven crap into our heads. Jesus is a challenge, He always has been. God challenged Israel, His chosen people, to live set apart from those who didn't worship Him. The BIG picture of the old testament isn't what God did through moses, or david, but Israel, as a group Beloved's in love with their Lover. Christ was the same challenge, it's clear with all the talk about hating your brother making you a lier to the Gospel (I know that's John, but he got it from Jesus I'm sure) and "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35).

I don't know what Jesus would look like or what job He would have but I know He would love and encourage community, and wouldn't have a room or apartment to Himself, He would put as many people in it as possible, and pay for all of them. He would always want people together, living to love others, along with God. Living the His instructions out, step by step with His brothers and sisters, to encourage them, rebuke them, and teach them. So in order to not be "that latte" that's what I'm going to do. I am no where near perfect, as anyone who knows me; i can be a real idiot sometimes, but I want to live with Him, and I want companions along for the ride.

Andrew Music Exchange:

So my friend are seeing who can come out with the best music each week, his this week is The Robbie Seay Band , they are really amazing. I am going to recommend someone a little different, more for the laid back listeners, not that Robbie Seay isn't that. Andy Mckee is hands down the greatest finger picker of our time and is an amazing musician. "Art of motion", "Rylynn" is also amazing and he is well known for his song "Drifting". check him out and I hope you enjoy!

Thoughts as of late

2008-05-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry i haven't written anything lately (even thought i'm really not sure anyone reads this). I have just been really the past month with school and papers and just getting things set for the summer, and now that summer as arrived and my job doesn't start until June, I have all the time world to record my thoughts.

So lately I have really just been enjoying home. I have been sitting around for the most part, just trying to get into the right patterns for the summer like reading my Bible daily and getting in some good time of prayer. It's been nice to not have school to worry about, really anything to worry about for the most part. Also I have been having great conversations with the people around me lately. I haven't even been home a week and I've already had two great night of conversations. One was the first couple hours I was home we started talking about predestination and free will and our own devravity and choosing God. That was a great night, then I had one last night with some of my friends who have graduated or are doing grad work; we talked about just big issues that seem to come up. Changing God's mind (Ex. 30), God's regret (1 Sa 15:11, Gen 6:6-7), God's suprise (Gen 6:5), how God can be omnipotent, yet hell is the absense of God's presence, and the biggest one was talking about whether it was okay for Rahab to lie, which lead us to the question: If you were in Germany in 1941 and hiding Jews and the Nazi's asked if you were hiding Jews, would it be okay to lie.

I really don't know the answer to some of these questions, I have worked them out the best i could, but with some of them I really don't know. Now I have an opinion, but i'm definatly open to that being wrong. It's just been really satisfying intellecually, socially and spiritually. It's just been a great way to be home and those issues have been floating around my head a lot.

Also, another big thing in my life, and if you read this, i would love your input; I am really considering doing stint (one year trip) to St. Petersburg Russia with Campus Crusade in August of '09. Now I know your probably saying to yourself, "drew, that's more than a year away, I really don't think you have to worry about it yet". Well my friend, do i have news for you then. See Tim (my leader) wants to have a core group by August, and a definate number of people by Thanksgiving. That's a major decision to make within the next couple months! So I would ask for your prayer and counsel. I think it would be so awesome, but I just don't know, i have this thing, i don't know how to describe it, holding me back, saying you should just do what everyone else is doing. But i know this opportunity is so rare. I also want to make sure I have the right motives because I don't want to go simply because I love Russia and the people I know in Russia.

I hope to be writing more about what God is doing and teaching me soon, so please keep reading!

Lessons From Brazil

2008-03-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

During my spring break I had an amazing opportunity to travel to Manaus Brazil to travel down the Amazon River distributing and giving medical and dental care to tribes along the river. The trip was absolutely amazing and one of the most amazing parts of the trip was one night before we got on the boat, we went to one of the larger churches in the heart of Manaus. Now before I explain to you how amazing this experience was, I have a confession to make. When I was flying from Miami to Manaus I was thinking about the experience that was ahead of me and I was thinking about the spirituality of the Brazilians. I had this spiritual ego that was rooted in my American thought that said that any preaching or sermons I would hear would be watered down and weak. I mean when I think about major thinkers in spirituality I think about C.S. Lewis, though born in Ireland, a gifted writer from Oxford who wrote “Mere Christianity”, or Martin Luther, the radical German theologian who nailed the 95 Theses to the door of the Schlosskirche (Castle Church). My thinking was saying that anyone who really could think about Christ in an educated, challenging way was either in Europe or America.
As the service started all the Americans occupied the first two pews on one half of the rather large church. My mindset was shattered the moment the service started; the pastor welcomed everyone to the church and then asked everyone to get into groups of two or three and pray for the service and for the worship and for each other and the world around us. After about five minutes of prayer they opened with a few songs of worship. As I looked around I saw the congreation in deep fellowship and communion with God through worship, not the typical “just stand their and move your mouth” American church worship, but real, raw worhsip. Then an associate pastor gave his testimony and more worship followed.
Sadly, as the head pastor rose to give the sermon, my mind had not fully overturned it’s prior ways of thinking about the spirituality of the people around me. Then the pastor spoke. I was taken back as he delieved a sermon on a highly controversial message on James 1:19-27 about “Listening and Doing” and pure religion and moved to James 2:14-26 on “Faith and Deeds” and how “without faith it is impossible to pelase God…” (Hebrews 11:6). He challeneged the congreation to act, because if there are no actions, James claims there is no real faith. A real faith in God propells and motivates actions of love in the name of Jesus Christ. He challenged the congreation to recognize the drugs in the community, and the orphans and widows and to love them, and take them in and take care of them.The service not only blew me away but challenged me more than any church I had been to in years.
Afterwards came a few more announcments, one of which was an older women who was announcing a play about Jesus and crying, and begging the congreation to bring their neighbors and the community around them because she believed that the play would have an effect. As she walked off stage we got up for communion and many members of the church came and walked from the other side of the church to comfort her and encourage her. The entire experience was so breathtaking and amazing, and that was just the first 24 hours. My eyes were opened to so much that whole trip through my Brazilian and American teammates on the boat and experiences in the city.
Before I left I was already struggling with the issues in the church of America. We are so split, with so many denomenatnions, what happen to Ephesians 4, “Unity in the Body of Christ”? It bothers me that we don’t open in not only in prayer as a church, but in prayer with the people around us. It bothers me how it’s become so mundane when we sings things like “open the eyes of my heart” or “I’m coming back to the heart of worship and it’s all about you” or “you’re more than enough for me”, we don’t mean it. I don’t understand how we can say such powerful statements and walk away unchanged. As I open my Bible I find that when the disciples got together after Jesus died, among the things they did was devoted themseleves to Jesus’ teachings, to looking out for each other, communion, and prayer and “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” I may not know exactly what we are missing, but until we start seeing these things happening, something is wrong. We need more pastors to speak Truth, to challenge the church to live for Christ, not listen to Him on Sunday. “Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourseleves. Do what it says” (James 1:22). We should not run from broken people, broken homes or broken neighborhoods, for we are the “light and salt of the earth!” We need to see the evil but overcome it with light, not shy away, but realize that “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). Maybe the reason this is a problem is because we have the “educated writers” and thinkers of Christianity, and not enough leaders of living Christianity. Coming back from this trip, that was the cry of my heart. To stop thinking, I know what the Bible says, it says to “love my neighbor” and I don’t need to look into it anymore. The Greek and Hebrew all add up to the same thing: “love your neighbor”, so why do I not even know my neighbor? “O God let us be, a generation that seeks, that seeks your face o God of Jacob” (Give us Clean Hands, Charlie Hall).

Brazil

2008-02-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

Well I will be heading to Manaus Brazil in about a week. It's crazy to think that it's coming that soon, but I am ready for it and wanting it to come. I can't wait to get away from my crazy life right now with failing school, lacrosse sucking up my life and whatnot. i can't wait to just unplug and go down a river and hang out with kids. I can't wait. It will be so awesome and the team, especially the guys are so awesome and I've gotten to know them really well. I can't wait, please pray for that. I still have some letters to send out, I need to get on that I know, but I need to write another letter and that is intimidating so I put it off. But I will. Please pray for the trip, the members, me, the kids, and the safety of the people, that we don't get sick with anything while were there. Thanks!

Promises

2008-02-14T09:39:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 13:5b: "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Romans 8: 35, 38-39, 1: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Lately the weather in West Palm Beach has been, well let’s just say way below par. From Tuesday to Wednesday if I looked out my window it looked like there was a waterfall outside my window. There was even a tornado watch Tuesday night. So I have had a lot of time inside to dink around and just think. No my roommate smokes the occasionally and so he has lighters lying around. Now since I collect them I have a few myself and we would always play with them and I always found it interesting just to look at fire and watch it work and just watch what it does. Now Tony and my other friends, when they see a lighter they start to burn things, paper, forks, really whatever is around. This makes me slightly aggravated because the room starts to smell awful. But lately I have been wondering about their obsession with burning things and how I don't know why you would because the results are mostly all bad. A burned paper is: useless, smelly, messing and the only good thing is how big and cool the fire gets, but it's so temporary compared to turning up your lighter to full blast and you can hold that flame for as long as you want. It's safe, contained and doesn't have any of the bad side effects.

Now to my point. I think lately my actions in life have been identical to my friend’s actions in burning things in my room. They have been extremely temporary and have left horrible side effects on my areas of my life. Like my friends, I feel like I have rushed into this semester, seeing a lighter and I just start to light things on fire, not thinking about others, myself or what God really wants for me. It's been a struggle for this semester for sure. Just getting into God's word and spending time to just sit and communion with Him in prayer has been really difficult because I have been busy burning things. I'm holding on to those promises though and it has been such an encouragement to me. Last night I was so angry at myself for getting distracted from such a great Father, and I was so angry at so many things in my life. I felt so alone and begged God to show me that He never leaved me and never forsaken me. I begged Him to hold me close and to draw me close to His heart so we could breathe together and live together again. He did, and after at least 30 minutes of being angry and upset, I was asleep with minutes of praying that and feeling God draw me close and feeling His peace "which transcends all understanding" guarded my heart and my mind (Phil. 4:7).

God is so good, I know in the mist of my pain and anger and frustration and busyness of life that He is good and here. Some of the verses I have memorized have helped: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." "My heart says of you 'seek His face!' Your face Lord, I will seek." "I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (earth). Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalms 25:16,17 ; 27:8 ; 27: 13,14

Journal Excerpt

2008-02-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

Ps 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Lord, draw near to me; because i feel incapable to draw to you. My actions & mouth drive me further from you as my heart longs to be closer. Because of this desire (if through my lack of action you can call it that) I make promises to you that I struggle to keep. Promises that David said, so I feel like I can too. Like "this earth has nothing I desire but you" and "the LORD is my shepherd I shall not want". Lord i know the intensity of those prayers, yet i just say them, almost to make my heart mean it instead of my heart meaning it first. Or maybe I want you to be proud of me. I want you to know that I love you even when I don't always show it. That I'm trying my best to love you and it's just so hard right now & I don't know why. Yet LORD, I know it's just my unbelief, the same that tackled Adam & Eve in the garden. Your Word says you couldn't love me more. I just don't believe that all the time. And the scary part is I don't know what you'd have to do to prove it! Was your son not enough!! What a sad statement to think. That what your son, my savior, did on the cross was not enough to show me you care & that you want a deep relationship with me.

LORD, open my eyes so I may see & say "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost, but now i'm found, was blind but now I see" or "How deep the Fathers love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure. Why should I gain from His reward? I can not give an answer, but this I know with all my heart, His wounds have pain my ransom." LORD, show me how to increase my faith. I want a faith that rocks a world but only glorifies You beacuse You know I've done nothing even close of earning any but judgement from you. I just want the mindset to constantly think of you so when you come I can sing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God almight" with all the angels & hear my Father say "well done, good & faithful servant!". "I love you LORD and I lift my voice to worship you, o my soul rejoice", "for it is well, it is well with my soul." LORD I know I amke you proud, please help me to live like I know that. Please help me to know your Word, and to pray like I know you will answer. Not to pray because it sounds good to your ear. Help me mean Psalms 23:1, help me live like it's true in my life. Open my heart and eyes so that I may see. Thank you LORD