New home of Courter Photography!!

I'm going to start posting some pictures up here. Just a hobby of mine that I would like to share. Let me know if you would any of them.

No One Likes Kansas

I did the sign language for hello, you just couldn't tell. I promise.

I know I know I know, I haven't written in about a month. Mind you it was the shortest month of the year so it almost doesn't even count as a that long. Well where to begin.

I guess we will start with Denver. I made the drive from Columbus Ohio to Denver Colorado. I intended on making it a two day trip, but because the blizzard of the century was barreling down on Ohio, I decided it was best to try and run through it, than wait and drive in the nasty aftermath. So I left on a wednesday afternoon, for a saturday interview. That night I drove until I got to effingham IL, "the crossroads of opportunity." That night was the first of many on that trip in my truck cab. Luckily for me I have an amazing -20F sleeping bag for just the occasion. And after a few hours of finding the right way to get comfy, I didn't... but I fell asleep anyway.

That next day was driving non-stop. I started the morning, in -15F degree weather.... without wind chill. With the wind it was only -25F. The worst part about it was that by the end of the night I was not even in Colorado. I was still in Kansas. Now, for those of you who have never driven through Kansas, God bless you, because it's terrible. First off, there is quite literally nothing out there. Their are three main cities, all of which are about the size of a football field, even their capital. It's so bad they put Kansas City, in Missouri. That's just mean.

There was nothing out there folks. At hours at a time I was the only person in view, and I could see far because it was flat and their was nothing out there. It actually was very sobering. I had cabin fever for a lot of that road tripping because I was the only one in the car, and to think that if something happened, their was no one to see it to help, and no one to hear me if I yelled, or had to walk. Now I had my cell phone, but it's still a scary thought. I don't know how people live out their in a house isolated from everything, and your nearest neighbor is 10 miles away. It's just so lonely. Zero community. One perk of that though is that night the sky was something I have never seen before. It was unreal, and I couldn't have thought of anything as beautiful and crazy. Just stars everywhere. not a light on the earth to hide them. Beautiful.

Anyway, I woke up determined to get out of that forsaken state (not to mention their are two radio stations that you pick up, NPR and country. I chose the former, for my own sanity. I ended up being very close to the boarder and was in Denver by 9 am that morning. Let me tell you. The greatest thing you have ever seen after about 12 hours of Kansas flatlands, is the Rocky mountains on the horizon. Like manna from the sky.

Denver was great, the interview went well (i'll just give you the spoiler now, I didn't make it with them), and I walked around the city all friday. It's a great city and has a great vibe to it. And how can you complain with the mountains as the backdrop to EVERYTHING. Sadly my camera battery didn't make it through the first car ride so my four pictures that I will show you are really bad and taken from the driver side, from the inside of the car. Luckily I was smart and drive back only took two days. thank Jesus.

This is what it looked like when i first headed out. Pretty nuts driving through that. It was a two lane road too. pretty nuts.

Yep folks. This is Kansas, in all it's glory. One the way home, I counted 20 tumbleweeds rolling across the road. That was my entertainment in Kansas.... counting tumbleweeds.

This is the one thing to see in Kansas. They have fields and fields of windmills. I suspect that they power the whole state, which can't be too terribly hard. But I must give them prop's for their green efforts. This landmark lets you know that you are actually only halfway through this state.

The sunsets are amazing when their is nothing on the horizon to block it's full glory. Crazy crazy colors. But don't be fooled. Kansas is still terrible.

Lastly it's the sunset as I drive away from Kansas, good riddance.

I'm sorry the pictures aren't wallpaper, backdrop material, if I had an SLR and some more time in Denver I would have provided.

Currently i'm looking for a job. Though I have some work to hold me over until I find a real full time job that I would like, the jobs that have come my way thus far are few and far between and have been real work to get them and are a blessing. I didn't have a job for about 2 months and blew lots of money getting out to Denver, it was very challenging to feel so useless. Nevertheless, I have one now and it keeps me busy.

I hope to be going on more trips to go climbing in Kentucky (the Red River Gorge, one of the nicest places to climb in the Eastern United States). I'll have pictures of that whenever I go and will write about how great it is to climb in the great outdoors.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Ready or Not

Hej,

Denver here I come!!

It's pretty exciting. I leave for Denver on thursday for my interview for a job on saturday. I'll be taking my truck and hitting the road on my 20 hour, two day road trip. I'll bring my amazing -20F sleeping bag and sleep in my car. It will be great. I'm excited to head out west even if for a day. The drive should be on the border between boring and exciting. I think it will be cool to see open road and mountains on the horizon and open fields and whatnot. Should be really fun. I'll have my ipod, some cliff bars, apples, bananas, and nalgene of water. It will be a party. I'll try and find a camera to bring a take pictures of what I see and i'm guessing 90% of them will be of me sitting in a car. I'm sure that sounds just as exciting for you as it is for me. I'll try and get back to you next week for the update on everything. Meanwhile, stay classy.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

High Expectations, Big Dreams

përshëndetje,

I want this year to be a grand adventure. I feel in the past the years have always been premeditated and planned out already. Finish the semester, do summer day camp, start school again. Along the way we would say things like, I want to know God better, spend every day with him. Show people his love. That's all great and whatnot but who remembers saying those things in February, or let alone when that guy cuts you off in traffic. I want to do great things, some of them are those small daily challenges, like praying for 15 minutes a morning and spending time in the Bible, which for once won't be a textbook for a class. But I want to make of list of things to do. I want to challenge other people to do the same. I know some are in school and the other person that reads this blog has a job, and so the settings are similar, routine, and maybe sadly, mundane. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can be a weekend warrior. Find local adventures and things to do that will change the way you and I live. Here's my list.

In 2011 I want to:

Climb a 14,000 ft mountain.

Move out west, so the mountains are my backyard.

Start climbing more, and doing yoga and slacklining once it gets above freezing.

Meet new and great people doing the above activities.

Have a diet of most plants and vegetables.

Plant a garden.

Mentor someone.

Ween myself from unwanted and unneeded electronics.

Live a more simple life.

Give more than I receive.

I was reading a blog I really admire and love, the cleanest line, which is Patagonia's blog. It is written sometimes by employee's, sometimes Patagonia ambassador's such as climbers, mountaineer's, or skiers, and also people who love and want to save the environment. As I am unemployed at the moment, I find myself with more time on my hands than I can handle, so I read a lot of their past articles. One I fell in love with was done by a climber that they sponsor, by the name of Sonnie Trotter, a man that I would be very good friends with if we were to ever meet I think. He doesn't seem like he desired climbing to be his life. He loves many other things, and climbing does not consume him like it does many of their other ambassador's. He is a simple man, who loves climbing a lot, does yoga, loves his wife, loves organic food, and giving back. Here is a part of his post that I really connected with:

Everything is changing at a rate I can’t seem to maintain, and don’t even want to. One of my main objectives in life is to keep it as simple as I possibly can. Of course, this is an everyday challenge for all of us. Do we really need an iPod? A cell phone? A computer? A flat-screen TV? We make these decisions all the time, no matter how big or how small, we try to keep going with the social pressures of the world but deep down I think we’d rather back off completely. Most of these plastic gadgets just end up using more electricity, and then we cry and complain when they want to build a hydro project on our favorite river. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you can’t have your cake and eat it too? Our demand for useless gadgetry is multiplying every year, therefore we need more power, and power comes at an expensive price. My day on the farm was a very quick reminder of how far we’ve stepped away from the rich simplicity of the earth. I know I can do better.

I think he makes a very good point. We love the newest things, coolest gadgets and we use them to make us feel good and make our lives more "convenient", and yet, some of us get upset when we see a new damn is going to be built in Chile, or Alaska, and we complain. We don't want nature there to be touched and tainted by "progress", yet we tell our friends as we download Texas hold'em app on our ipad's.

I know i'm not perfect. I know I still love to watch my house and lie to me on monday's, and heck, i'm writing this blog on my laptop computer, which sits on my desk plug in at all times. And don't even get me started about it come fall when college football starts up (yeah i'm already awaiting next season). I have way's to go, and I know them. It won't be easy for me either, I really love house. But I would really love to simply life together, as a community of people who want something else out of life. Something more community and environmentally driven. To live simply so others can simply live.

I know I promised more to come on my thoughts of being a fat climber, I promise I will get to it eventually, promise.

My 2 cents:

Big Black Car by Gregory Alan Isakov. I'm not to sure about his other stuff sadly, but I can't get enough of this song.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

oh yeah, forgot

haha,

so I forgot to say that by grad student I mean I've graduated from being a student. ha, not the whole masters thing. kinda important info I guess. since i'm making up the term and all. Sorry about that.

Reflections of a grad student

Բարեւ Ձեզ, (yeah that's real)

First off, before I start on this new post, I want to talk about how awesome that hello is (in case you didn't catch on the whole, "woah, he is saying hello in different languages because he is a cross-cultural studies major!"). It's armenian, not the kind that you talk about with Dr. Vang (though he probably speaks this language), but it's sweet because there is most definatly a number in there, yeah, pretty awesome.

Anyway, I know and I'm sorry that I haven't written for a while (I suspect i'm apologizing to 2 people but it's polite). I was busy with school and busy GRADUATING and Christmas and getting readjusted and settled in at home (or "living the dream", apparently is what people are calling it these days, which makes me thing they never did it.) Lots has been on my mind, so bare with my multi-topic post.

First off, i'm applying for real person jobs, which is really weird. For like 18 years I have been on a set path, everything paved out for you and handed to you, elementary school, to middle, up to high school, then to big boy college.... now what? Nothing is laid out. Unlike school, no one is calling to have me come to their place (okay it only happened with like PBA, Asbury and a community college, but I would still take 3 places asking for me to be an employee). I am unemployed, and searching for a job that can pay decent money so I can be a real adult. With that in mind, I have applied to a job in Oregon with a environment group and Teach for America in Denver, yep, heading out west. Meanwhile, to hold me over until I make the big move, I applied to a job here at a hospital and at a nice restaurant (putting my degree to work, let me tell you). It's weird because it's so real. I get a job out there and I'm there. My own place, my own real job, in the mountains, paying bills, all that jazz. The road is not paved and i'm there with a shovel creating my own and it's new, exciting, surreal, nerve racking, and yet, really really enjoyable.

In other news, I'm back to climbing, in fact, even without a job, I managed to get a six month membership to a climbing gym, for $30 a month, which let me tell you is a steal. The bad news is my climbing is horrendous. I climbed a lot during the summer, and even more in the fall. Then life got crazy with school and experiments and I never got around to it. Then thanksgiving happened and Christmas. Now two months later I try and climb and it was if I had never climbed a day in my life, it was awkward and the routes I once conquered with ease seemed impossible to hold onto and do. I was a little baffled, so I merely blamed it on my two month sabbatical. I went home and decided that to make sure that I was right I would jump on a scale. Bad idea. I officially weighted in at the most I ever had at a flabby 185lbs. Not only had a not climbed for two months but it was as if I was wearing a 15 lb weight; no wonder I couldn't hold on to anything. I have decided to eat veggies, fruits, and whole grains and do some hard core exercise to whip myself back into shape (the veggies kick was due to a recent conviction from a documentary I watched: Food inc. (which I recommend to all, it's not against meats at all, it's just about eating real food) and a book i'm reading connected to the movie, "In defense of food" by Michael Pollan).

It kinda struck a weird cord with me, having worked so hard for months to do what I could and to have it all taken away in such a seemly short time. It was humbling to say the least. To be honest I really didn't have a choice, be humbled or quit. I know it is only slight, and I will say this again in 5 years with even more awe and revelation, but my body isn't what it used to be. Now I know i'm only 22 (and a half) and I am still very young, shoot, there are some fighters in the UFC who are in their 40's and look better than I ever have, so this isn't the final straw of my health or anything, but it's amazing just to take a step back (forced step or not) and see how I used to be able to eat so many terrible things and be fine. Life doesn't really allow for me to play lacrosse every day or football or whatever I used to do (though my unemployment says I have all the time in the world). I am excited to think that I still have plenty of youth left, and to be honest i think I will even when i'm in my 40's, but I'm sad to see the differences and realize i'm not invincible. Probably more on this to come later.

Oh yeah, I got facebook again. I barely use it, which i'm happy for. I think it's more stupid now then ever, but it's the only way Dr. Lane will talk to me cause he is so cool and hip like the kids.

My 2 cents:

watch Food Inc., education is good for you and it's just an encouraging movie. It won't make you reject meat, like me, it has been a desire for me for a while, but it is just good to know what you are putting into your body, it's great stuff, don't be afraid of it. Ignorance isn't as blissful as people say.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Why We Hide

Ciao,

(ps, if some of this doesn't make sense, it's because I wrote it at 2 am. my apologies)

I don't know. This might seem weird to some of you that read this. Over the past 7 months I have been studying Micro-expressions. These are expressions on the face that cannot be controlled, only concealed slightly if you try hard. The more emotional or unstable the person is, the more likely these will leak when they are trying to be concealed. Their are seven universal emotions that people show: anger, happiness, sadness, contempt, surprise, fear, and disgust. When someone says one thing and the micro expression shows another, that person is trying to deceive you, or is lying to you about how they feel. There are three main area's to look at when you are looking for these expressions: the area of the eyes (eyelids, the outside part of the eyes, and eyebrows), the nose, and the mouth.

Why am I telling you this? Well not only have I been studying it on my own for a few months, but I have been studying them academically and very in depth for about 4 months now. I have been doing experiments on PBA students through the school for a psychology class, and have even won a grant from the school to present my findings at the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in Washington D.C. in May. It truly is an honor, privliage and blessing for that to happen to me. I feel like it has been a rather simple and enjoyable process, (though very time consuming) because I enjoy it, so it does not seem that my work would render such a reward, because it did not seem like much work.

Again, why am I telling you this. Well I wanted to give you a lesson. If you are not up to date with the college football world. Cam Newton is all the rage. He is a one of a kind athlete and has done great things on the football field for Auburn this year. Meanwhile, his father has been attracting lots of attention off the field. Cecil Newton, apparently, was involved with a pay-to-play scandal with a recruiting agency to have his son play for another university for cash up front. This is highly illegal and if it was ever brought to light that Cam Newton knew about this and played any part, he would be ineligible to win the heisman trophy, which at this point, he is almost assuredly going to do. His father, knowing the controversy around this, has decided to not go to the heisman ceremony this saturday to support his son, thinking it would cause to much drama. He will not attend the ceremony of his son winning what may be the most coveted college sports trophy. During an interview for ESPN, he is asked how he feels about this, and his face during the last 20 seconds screams sadness. But their is an interesting moment at 2:27 where he says he is his father and he will stand by his decision, and he flashes disgust in his nose and mouth. So check it out for yourself. 2:27

The important thing about micro-expressions is that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Yes, he could be disgusted with his father, or he could be disgusted at what his father did, or both. We only know that he was disgusted, and we have a context of what it could be, but we can't know for sure (without further questioning).

I bring this up because I find it interesting what people hide, and what may be more interesting is why this hide, behind a fake smile or joke or whatever it may be. I originally Dr. Paul Ekman's book to discover lies. In his book "Emotions Revealed", he discusses the seven emotions, and has about 20 pages on lying. The book is about seeing these in others, and more importantly, seeing them in yourself. It is about understanding emotions and where they come from and what they mean. The book is fascinating, especially someone like myself who doesn't consider himself to be very expressive outwardly.

Since that book I often see these micro-expressions in others, in the news, walking down the street, talking to friends, and often find I am doing something to my face, only to find that I was feeling an emotion I wasn't aware of. This could be because I couldn't put my finger on the name of it, or that I simply wasn't aware (some emotions, like anger, have a way of creeping up on us and even escalating quickly without us even knowing until someone mentions we are upset.)

As I see them I am fascinated why we cover up. Why we don't want the world to see our pain, our sadness, our anger or our disgust. I felt ashamed when I realized I answered a question in a Psychology class that no one else knew and noticed that my face was showing contempt, that I did not realize until I noticed it on my face. I felt ashamed that I felt better than people, or above them for answering a question. I think people think it makes us more enjoyable to be around, if we act as it's okay. Or maybe it's a name-it-and-claim-it kind of attitude. If I simply say or act I feel this way, it will go away.

I wrote a paper in high school, I was a junior at the time; yet, I remember the paper very distinctively. To this day I consider it to be my best and most profound paper. We had just studied some major psychologist and we were told to come up with our own theory on what makes people run, what were they after in life. My answer: people desperately want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. I think we so badly want people to fully know us and understand us, yet we think that if they know to much, and see to much of the crap and filth and muck and sin if you want to call it that, then they will run away, and not accept us. This, in return, would be one of the most painful experiences we could experience, to be made completely vulnerable, and then rejected. So we put a facade, a mask, where we can let bits out, but stay in control of certain things, certain feelings, and certain experiences that might keep people away. We conceal them and seem normal so that they will stay around. We want that closeness but fear it's consequences if rejected. Some people have been bold enough to be vulnerable and have maybe even, sadly, learned through experience that others will not accept that part of them. I understand this dilemma to be the classic situation in which a guy likes a girl, with whom he is great friends with, but does not know if she likes him back (which is why we talk to the best friend to give us the scoop and down low before doing anything, so we can know the result). They are stuck in this situation where they could not say something, and wonder what if, and not risk losing what they have, or put themselves out there and have a chance of being accepted and the feeling reciprocated. Or they could reject it, and the friendship would then change, losing almost everything. I find that this example, though expressing the dilemma, does not express the magnitude. I'm not just talking about feelings. I'm talking about secrets, issues, problems, stories. Things we try to forget.

We want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. This is God's relationship with us, and it's the reason I find my relationship with God so incredibly special and important to me. But it's my theory as to why we hide, and why we lie, and why we take chances to be known. I think there is a lesson to be learned here but I don't want to sound like that was the point of this. We need to love, we need to know what love means first, and the sacrifices, risks, and vulnerably it demands of us. We need to open up to each other, experience what it is like to be loved and to demonstrate that to others back. I truly believe this love would change the world. It changes the lives of those who have found it in Jesus, so why wouldn't it if we could replicate that to others? To those whose experiences have said otherwise, and those who don't just hide behind lies and smiles, but drugs, alcohols, girls, boys, popularity, humor, sports, money, self-image, or sarcasm. You cannot experience this type of love and not change. You cannot experience this type of love and not then seek out to share it with others.

I know this was a super long little tidbit, and it was kinda super serious and deep. But it has been churning in my heart for awhile now, maybe even years. I just thought I would share it, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.